Riss the...

Things wot I hate:

1. Going to get a seemingly harmless scan done only to be told (when you've already changed into the "gown") that there is an "internal" aspect. 
   
2. People who are stroppy or who think I should respect them professionally just because they are more senior.  To Stroppy Person: You are a git.  Hammering home how experienced you are just makes you an old git.
3. Bringing work home - particularly when leaving it undone and just taking it back to work tomorrow is not an option.
   

Things wot I love:

1. Cars that go BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Number of Tuesdays since I joined this group: 3

Number of things on Tuesdays blogs I have added to the collective: 0

Riss the...promising nothing and living up to expectations.

My boy just rang himself on his mobile so that he could have a conversation with himself (of which I heard only one side) that he then reported back to me, so that he could take credit for an idea I suggested about 10 minutes ago.  Hehehehehehe.

Very funny.  Most peculiar.

Riss the... unable to explain!

So it seems there are various themes of this "going around" at the moment.  I initially started doing a list of 50, but I got to 35 (thus explaining my blogging absence) and stalled.  Given 35 didn't seem to be a very enticing number (it's not 10, 25, 50 or any of the other classics), I thought I'd take the opportunity to whittle down my 35 into 8 much more humorous exciting deep and insightful me things. 

This is dedicated to Jando, who did it twice.

1. I think if it were not for music, I would be certifiably insane today.  Music is the antidote to everything that is wrong with the world. I am in love with the new albums from Goldfrapp (it’s sooooooo smooth, kinda like a shiny gold fabric mixed with velvet) and The Presets’ “Apocalypso” (which is utter brilliance and I insist you go and buy it immediately, if not sooner). I also think everyone should have one album that they can play when they are too sad/angry/upset/anxious/stressed... you get the picture.  Mine is a Cat Stevens best of.  Also Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon.  The first makes me cry, which gets it out of my system.  The second takes me completely out of my own head.
   
   
2. I really, really hate the word “panties”.  I wish people would use any word other than that.  It makes me cringe and it sounds too clinical for something that could be associated with lovely sex.  I have nothing against underwear, incidentally.  My favourite onomatopoeia is “slosh”.  My favourite word is “strumpet”.  It’s fantastic.  You should use it in a sentence.
   
   
3. I don’t like cricket.  Many have called me unAustralian for that reason, but I don’t care.  It’s boring and I can’t be bothered finding out enough about it to be interested.  I’m not sorry about it either and am not receptive to any attempt to be changed.
   
   
4. Scrunchies should not have been invented.  They were a mistake.  Having said that, I have made many "fashion" mistakes in my time, not the least of which was insisting my mother make me scrunchies that matched my uniform, outfits, pyjamas... Oh, the shame.
   
   
5. I regret not taking a gap year to go travelling, and that I left it until last year to start making up for it.  On the other side of it, though, I think my momentum got me through honours.  If I hadn’t been fighting so hard for study for so long, I would have quit it and graduated without it. As it was I came dangerously close, on more occasions than I care to count or admit.  It would have been fine, but even though my paper was a load of shit, I’m proud that I stuck it out.  It really was a load of shit.  So much so that one of my marker's made the comment "Riss would have done well to understand the intent of an honours paper before embarking on this ambitious undertaking."  Ouch.
   
   
6. I used to sing the body boundaries song to my brothers when they were trying to beat me up.  I still know all the words.  It goes “My body’s nobody’s body but mine.  You run your own body, let me run mine!  My body’s mine from my head to my toes.  Leave me alone when you hear me say ‘No!’”  It used to irritate the shit out of them.  It also wasn't very successful in getting them to stop beating up on me, but it used to make Mum laugh, so that's something!
   
   
7. I have a celebrity crush on the guy that hosts Grand Designs.  I think he is fantastic.  Creative, tactile, clever, realistic and utterly prepared to get his hands dirty.  I also have a celebrity crush on Jonathon Rhys Meyers because he is so haughty and untouchable.  The two crushes are irreconcilable.
   
   
8. I really do think that Australia is an amazing country. I am besotted with it, and I’ll issue stern words (and possibly threats of physical violence) to anyone who says otherwise.  End.  Of.  Story.   I feel the same way about my home town.  Yes, it can be a bitch, but it's my bitch and if there's any beating up to do, I'll do it myself thankyou very much.  (I don't, though, because I love it.)

I'm not going to tag anyone to do this exercise, but if you do, leave me a comment and I'll be sure to come and check it out. 

Riss the... wondering what to do with the other 27.

Ow. 

My aching, aching head.

Riss...that's all I'm saying.

If I were the type of person that wanted to go a-stalking across the Fakebook world and a-hunting down former acquaintances and sending out invites to them so that I looked like the most popular woman in the world, I would. 

If I had the inclination to irritate Fakebook users who were just sitting there, minding their own affairs, by prodding them and making it impossible for them not to add me as a friend, that option is available to me.

In reality:

I'm not.

I don't.

Why then am I being inundated with friend referrals from people I probably didn't want to add in the first place???  Clearly it's not enough that a person's existence is validated when they are added as a friend by someone they haven't spoken to for 10 years, probably wouldn't cross the street for, and don't even give a shit about... Now they have to have their own friend choices validated!  

You're a fully grown adult!!!!   Also, I'm not in highschool anymore.  I'm too old for this peer pressure shit!!

Also, how do I get rid of that absolutely ridiculous box that tells me that because I know Suzie*, I probably want to add Daniel* as well?  Here's a news flash: I don't bloody know Daniel*!!  I probably don't even know Suzie*!!!!!  This is not a bookstore, your opinion is not informed, and it's no bloody good to me!

Arghhhhhhh!

Riss the... drawing breath and conducting a benefits to disadvantages assessment in order to determine her future course on an informed basis.

* Not their real names.  If only I could change mine and escape this madness.

-----End: Rant------

This is my new favourite segment.* 

It's called "That's not a word!"

Today's "That's not a word!" goes out to:

asap"

"Asap" is not a word, dummy, it's an ac-ro-nym.  That means you spell out the letters.  

"Asap"!  Try not to use it in a sentence today!

Riss the... on the war path

* Note, while the use of "segment" would ordinarily imply that it will appear with some type of regularity, the author makes no promises or undertakings that this will be the case.

Last night, when I was driving home, the sky was that lightest blue that it is during that time of night just before dusk.  A plane had left a vapour trail arcing across the horizon. 

Instead of being white and smudgy, like it usually is, the sun had set it ablaze. 

It reminded me of being in primary school and colouring a sheet of paper with coloured crayons and then painting the sheet with thick black paint and scratching out a picture, so that the colours below showed through like the background was night and the design was fireworks or stars. Being a grown up I don't get much chance to do that kind of thing.

Riss the... looking back on the simpler days.

PS.  I also never walk around the office singing "Jem!  Truly outrageous.  Truly, truly, truly outrageous.  Whoa-oa-oah, Jem! [Cut in: guitars] Neh, neh, neh, ne-ne! We are the Misfits, our songs are better!"  No.  Never.  Not even a bit.  Certainly not yesterday.  

Woman at the Top

In 2008, 107 years post-federation, a woman has been appointed as our 2-i-C. 

I am so proud to be Australian today, I can hardly tell you.  I type this hurriedly in my lunch break with a lump in my throat, pounding the keys in excitement and with hardly a backwards glance at my grammar, structure, punctuation.  Today is a very bright day. 

The Governor-General is, technically speaking, the Queen's "man" in our land.  Until now an exclusively male role, the GG is given the responsibility of signing our legislative bills to make them law and, among other things, has the power to order the dissolution of both Houses of federal Parliament.  Yes, the role is seen as symbolic.  Yes, it would be an audacious GG to turf the elected government out (even though it has happened!).  Yes, some see the position as unnecessary and nothing more than an antiquated nod to our monarchic-in-name-only system of government.  However, as someone who loves the law and honours the Constitution, I can have nothing but respect for the position, the power it confers, and the opportunity it affords another human being to make a difference to our magnificent country.

Quentin Bryce is our first lady at the helm.  From humble roots in farming Queensland, Ms Bryce was the first female academic to lecture at Uni of Queensland's law faculty.  She has served as the federal sex discrimination commission and as Governor of her home State. 

In relation to her new appointment, Ms Bryce is recorded as saying that the role is a great honour and responsibility.

I grew up in a little bush town in Queensland of 200 people, and what this day says to Australian women and to Australian girls is that you can do anything, you can be anything," she said. "It makes my heart sing to see women in so many diverse roles across our country in Australia."

It makes my heart sing too and my brain boggle at the possibilities open to me, a modern woman.  These are possibilities that my grandmother would not have ever known to contemplate for women. 

Riss the... bursting and proud.

PS.  As a side comment to the press and Australian politicians:  I will thank you to refrain from referring to Ms Bryce's attire and accessories.  This is as close to head of state as any Australian will get under our constitution.  Show some goddam respect. 

Further, Chief Minister of the ACT, calling a woman, or any person for that matter, an "adornment to the office of Governor-General" tends to imply the person is decorative only.  This chick may be decorated, but a decoration she ain't.  Pull your head in.

PPS. Much of the material for this post, and photo, was obtained from The Sydney Morning Herald online.  Story by Mark Davis, Political Correspondent.  Photo by Andrew Meares

What was the last great epiphany you had?
Submitted by Ross.

There haven't been any great epiphanies... but there have been lots of very minor, inconsequential ones.

Larissa the... really vox, enough with the oxymorons.

PS.  By oxymoron, I clearly meant tautology.